All is good

I feel so much better today than I did yesterday at this time.  When I got within a few minutes of seeing BF, I got super nervous... My mind started going through all the 'What Ifs'.   And before I knew it, he was standing at my door like he has so many times before.  I was so relieved to see him.... he looks exactly the same (except he's lost about 30 lbs!) and all I could do was hug him. 

The first few minutes were a little weird.  But then before long we were back to how we were before he left.  We talked at my house for a while and he shared the details of what he's been doing that he couldn't tell me over email.  Pretty scary and surreal to hear about what he's been living through as I've been going about my day to day life.

We went to a fun restaurant on Lk Minnetonka for drinks and dinner and continued to catch up.  More and more stories were shared from both of us.  After dinner, we rented a movie and cuddled up on the couch. 

I don't think I can communicate in words how much better I felt an hour into our date night.... I was terrifiend that we weren't going to be the same... that 6 months with minimal communication and 6000 miles would add more than just a physical distance between us.  But, all is good.  WHEW!

Looking forward to the rest of my time with him.... We're going to spend some time on my dad's boat tomorrow, hit up the MN State Fair on Thursday, and Labor day weekend is still TBD.  I know that he's going to be gone again very soon, but I have a feeling the goodbye won't be quite as hard now that I know we can work through a deployment.

Thanks to all of my friends and followers for all of your supportive comments...I really appreciate it! 

Today

The day is here! I finally get to see my boyfriend today after almost 6 months! There are so many emotions running through me

I'm so excited to finally see him, and hug him and have a face to face conversation

I'm nervous that it won't be the same and nervous about seeing him ( I think he's lost a ton of weight)

I'm relieved that he's here, safe.

And I'm anxious because it's what I do :)

Wishing. Praying. Hoping

Yesterday I got to babysit my precious Baby R.  Cuddling with her was amazing and I love the little dinosaur noises she makes when she sleeps.  Here's a pic...

It's so amazing to watch someone so small communicate and love... such a gift.

However, there are other things that are consuming my thoughts as well...  Fear of the unknown, fear of people changing, fear for what that means to me.  Some of this is around my relationship with BF and some of it is around my relationship with others.  All I can do is have faith, pray for things to turn out as they should, and wait it out. 

Day 9 & Day 10

Day 9 : 2 Songs
1.  Say - One Republic
2.  PYT - Michael Jackson

Day 10: 1 picture
This is from a trip to Chicago last summer with my SIL

Day 8: 3 Films

1.  Love Actually - Makes me laugh out loud every time
2.  The Help - An amazing story and just as good as the book!
3.  Bridesmaids - Enough Said.

He's here!

BF is officially in MN and on American soil.  He arrived a few days ago while I was in Boston for a work trip and is currently up north for his "boys weekend".  I haven't had a chance to see him yet, but I've talked to him twice and hearing his voice is amazing.  Last night when my flight finally landed I called him and it was a little weird but so good at the same time.  Today when I talked to him it was as if everything was back to normal again -- he sounded like himself, and our conversations were just like they were before he left. 

I am so excited to see him... I can hardly wait!!  I was really nervous over the last few days worrying that the man that was coming back wasn't going to be the same man I fell in love with.  However, in the brief conversations I've had with him, I've heard the S I know so well come back... and that makes me happier than I imagined.

On a side note, BF's middle brother was working in my building at work today so I got to spend time with him.  I'm totally trying to play matchmaker and hook him and a girl on my team up.... and I think we're off to a good start! :)

Day 5, 6 & 7

Day 5: Places
1.  Boston - Just got back from a work trip and I LOVED IT! Can't wait to go back for longer
2.  Italy - One of the places in Europe I'm most interested in visiting
3.  Greece - The other country I want to visit
4.  West Palm Beach - One of my favorite vaca places
5.  Grand Caymen - The most beautiful beaches
6.  Minneapolis/St Paul - Where all the people I love live.

Day 6: 5 Foods
1.  Pepperoni & Mushroom Pizza
2.  Chipotle
3.  Mashed potatoes
4.  Cherry Chip Cake
5.  Crab legs

Day 7: 4 Books
1.  Sarah's Key - An amazing story; must read
2.  James Patterson books
3.  My Sister's Keeper
4. Angels & Demons

Day 4: 7 Wants

1.  I want my nieces to grow up knowing they're loved, supported, and have only the best
2.  I want to live my life with no regrets
3.  I want to get married, have 3 kids, and a Wheatan Terrier
4.  I want to stay healthy
5.  I want to have a great 2 weeks with my boyfriend for R&R and for him to finish his deployment safely
6.  I want to have a cabin on a lake someday
7.  I want the wars to stop

Day 3: 8 Fears

1.  Rollercoasters or any sort of crazy ride where my stomach would jump into my throat.
2.  Losing someone I love (see day 2)
3.  I fear what I don't know
4.  Public speaking - any number of people from 20 to 200
5.  Disappointing someone I care about
6.  Not being able to make a situation better
7.  Walking alone at night
8.  Shots... although I'm getting better with them

Day 2: 9 Loves

1.  My boyfriend
2.  My nieces - Anna and Reese
3.  My family and my friends - don't know where I'd be (or who I'd be) without them
4.  Being on a boat.... Nothing better on a beautiful day
5.  Shoes, shoes, and more shoes
6.  Puppies - shout out to Lola and Stella
7.  The Fall - I love the clothes, the weather, and the colors
8.  Vacations
9.  Happy hours with good friends

oh.my.GOODNESS

BOYFRIEND IS COMING HOME NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!

For real.  I was sitting at breakfast with one of my best girlfriends and had just finished talking about how frustrating the last few weeks have been with S's leave continuing to be pushed out when I got an email from him.  I re-read it about 3 times (saying nothing... sorry Sarah for freaking you out) until I finally asked my friend to read it and tell me what it said.... I was terrified that I missed a word or that I misinterpreted his note and I didn't want to react until I knew for sure.  Once I saw her reaction, I started to tear up. 

I can hardly believe it.  NEXT WEEK.  I'm so excited... I have come down from my adrenaline high, but I think I still am a bit in shock about the whole scenario.  I keep imagining seeing him for the first time... I just want to wrap my arms around him and not let him go.

I'm a little nervous, but I'm not going to go there.  I feel very blessed and extremely excited to see him. 

10 Day You Challenge - 10 secrets

I've seen this on a few of my bloggy friends' sites and I love it! 

Here's 10 things you probably don't know about me:
1.  I sucked my thumb until I turned 10
2. When I was eight-ish, I would play my NKOTB cassette tape in my giant boombox while my barbies "danced at prom"
3.  I don't like the smell of ceran wrap (seriously, smell it once it's crunched up... I promise there's a stench)
4. Until mid 1st grade, I was afraid of flushing the toilets at school... Those things were loud!  I would always try to make a run for it until one day when a 2nd grader caught me and I hid in the stall. 
5.  I was (and still kind of am) obsessed with getting school supplies. Nothing's better than fresh crayons, a pretty binder, or new Sharpies
6. I hate the tops of my knees
7. I love lists... I try to use lists whenever possible for traveling, work, shopping, bf's care packages, etc.  I also used to really like filling out forms (college applications were awesome)
8. I HATE voicemails....
9.  I put milk in my cereal and into baking/meal mixes, but I will not drink a glass of it.
10. I have a chapstick in multiple places so I always have one when I want to use one.

Here we go again

Heard from the BF today.... Sounds like he's going to be losing internet again in the near future and he doesn't know for how long.  Looks like it will be me and my thoughts again!  He told me not to worry, that it isn't that he doesn't want to talk to me -- just can't, and to assume everything is ok. 

Ugh. 

On a much different note, my friend C had a great little happy hour at her house tonight for some of our girlfriends.  It was a great night for sitting outside with some wine, apps, good company and great stories :) 

Renewed

I feel so much better today than I did a week ago.  It's taken me a couple days to come to terms with the fact that BF isn't coming home any time soon... That on top of getting sick basically sucked the life out of me for the last few days.

Since Sunday I've turnedy a corner.  I feel less stressed (well, personally I guess) and I'm not quite as anxious. 

Here's where my head is at:

*S has been gone for 5 months, and he will continue to be for the next few.  Nothing is changing with regard to that and there's nothing I can do to bring him home sooner.  Life for me needs to go back to "business as ususal"

*I know where he is (kind of), and I would rather have him stay in one place than start traveling across the sandbox to come home for R&R.  Tensions are high over there and with the outbursts of violence recently my priority is to keep him as safe as possible.

*I can make this better for him by continuing to stay positive in my emails and keep the care packages coming.  I try to get something funny or unique in each so that he knows I'm thinking about him and putting thought into what I'm sending.

*I have never been so comfortable and confident in a relationship... My boyfriend is 6000 miles away, I haven't heard his voice since May, and I still trust him and the relationship that we have more than any "local" boyfriend I have ever had.

*I still miss him like crazy.  But I use that as motivation to stay strong.

*Being depressed and sad about everything really sucks.... The emotional rollercoaster of deployment is somewhat unavoidable but making myself feel bad about what neither he nor I can control is a useless waste.

*Since the day I found out S was deploying again, I have prayed every single night.  Prayed for him, his safety, and his wellbeing, for all soldiers away from home and in danger, as well as all the people here that love and support me. 

You HAVE to see...

The Help!!!

Seriously, you guys, this is one of the best movies I've seen. 

If you're like me and you've read the book, you may be a little nervous about seeing the movie (since movies typically don't live up to the storyline in the book).  But no worries!  The movie is fantastic as well.

For those of you that haven't heard much about The Help, it's a story set in the 1960's in Jackson, Mississippi and follows the lives of different women with very different lifestyles and stories. 
The Help Movie Website

You will laugh, probably cry a little bit, and fall in love with some of these women. 

Check it out!

Happy Sunday

Good news is I finally feel almost back to normal after this stupid strep took over...  Becasue of that, today was a much better day than the last few.  I actually woke up wanting to be productive rather than feeling guilty for doing nothing, which was a nice suprise :)

I've also spent some time this afternoon reading a really good book (The Postcard Killers by James Patterson) and I'm going to see The Help with my mom tonight. 

I haven't done anything substantial, but I feel good/optimistic for the first time in the last couple of weeks.  So, I'll take it :)

Motivation

It snuck up on me

Somewhere between traveling, working like crazy, and stress from my personal life, I came down with strep.

It's been a while since I've had strep and oh man does it suck!  I am not a happy camper right now.  But, the silver lining is that I'm spending all afternoon on my couch in my pjs watching Netflix. 

Hopefully I can rally once i'm officially not contagious and make it to the 3rd annual Women's Football League fantasy draft tonight! 

Disappointed... Again

Bad news from the sandbox.... S not only has had his leave request denied for August, but they turned around and quickly turned down his September request too.  Apparently he's no longer getting any time off. 

I got the email yesterday when I was on my way to the airport to come home.  I didn't cry.  I didn't really react much at all...  I was numb.  I almost found it humerous... that this is the 3rd time I have thought he was coming home, that I started planning what we would do with the time together, and then it was pulled away.

After sitting in the airport for a few more hours, my emotions started to kick in.  I'm terrified for him.  With all of the violence that has gone on in the middle east against American soldiers and the tragic deaths, I can understand why they want him to stay put.  However, my nerves about the situation and his safety have skyrocketed.

On the plane with my seat neighbor was officially asleep against the window and all the interior lights turned off for our nightime flight back to MPLS, I turned my iPod on and let myself cry. 

I miss him, so much that it takes over my thoughts sometimes.  I feel like I've done so well up to this point and that I've successfully kept myself busy.   But we're a month away from even being half way there.  And that's discouraging because I feel like we should be close to done. 

I knew this would be hard on me, but I dont' think I ever really understood how much sacrifice S would be making and how much he would be diappointed in this process.... 

LIVE from New York!

Happy Monday from Brooklyn, NY.  I flew into NYC this afternoon for a quick work trip.  I forgot how MASSIVE NYC looks compared to my cute little Minneapolis.  Such a busy/energetic environment.

I'm here for work (like I said) and will spend 11 hours tomorrow going shopping in Brooklyn and Manhattan.  That's right... the goal of my trip is to go to as many stores as possible to see how different retailers are set up.   Days like today I love my job :)  And then I'll be off again, back to good old MN.

Hope you all have a great day!  Keep your fingers crossed that I don't use this shopping spree to actually buy things!!

What I'm listening to

A little peek into the playlist currently on my iPod....

My driving into work song

My song when I'm really missing BF

My sing along song

What a let down

I finally heard from S today.... And it wasn't good news. 

The military has denied his request to come home this month.

Such a let down.... I read the email while at my desk at work and I couldn't stop the tears from running down my face.  I had convinced myself that I was going to see him in the next couple days/weeks.... And when I didn't hear from him over the last 14 days I told myself that maybe he was enroute to come home.

I'm so disappointed.  And he could tell.... his second email back a few hours later was more light hearted, had some inside jokes, and I could tell he was trying to make small talk (if that's possible to do in an email) and cheer me up. 

It breaks my heart... I've gotten into a routine lately where I'm so busy by myself that I'm ok; I know he's not here but I also know that he can't be right now.  So I don't think it bothers me as much.  But now it's different... I had been thinking about how great it would be to see him and spend time with him and I let myself remember "us". 

And now it's just back to me..... thinking and worrying about him 6,000 miles away.  And I don't know if I dare let myself for a second get any hope that September could be the month I've been waiting for and that I'll get a chance to relive "us" any time soon.

The Bachelorette

Holy Awkward..... I had read the spoiler alerts weeks ago but I still cringed watching Ashley say no to Ben tonight on the bachelorette.  I can't believe she let him propose before telling him he wasn't the one.... SO SAD! Poor guy :(
This show drives me nuts... Bring on the Bachelor Pad... that's the kind of trashy show I like more than watching people's hearts get broken.

On a completely separate note, I haven't heard a word from boyfriend in 2 weeks....  I hope he's safe and I hope everything is ok.  It drives me nuts that I'm completely helpless in this situation.  I just want him here with me.