Yesterday was really tough for me. There was a lot going on at work as usual, but I got to have lunch with S's mom which was nice. She mentioned that when she asked S on Thursday if his flight back for his 3 day visit was booked yet, he replied back to her that he wasn't sure they were going to let him come home.
I was pretty good about not allowing myself to get worked up until I knew for sure what his plans are. Last night when I got home I was able to get a short text conversation with bf and he confirmed what I was dreading.
I don't understand why they won't let him come back; his deployment date hasn't changed. It's been a while since I've really cried like that (actually, just over 3 weeks). I can't believe that I won't get to spend a couple more days with him and late fall/early winter seems so far away.
I was able to pull it together, grab my college sweatshirt, and put my waterproof mascara on before going over to a friends house for the night. As much as I wanted to be by myslef, I had to go somewhere where there were people and I wouldn't be able to be a mess. I spent all day in bed today and went to dinner with my mom and jb (her bf).
Now I'm back to just me and my thoughts. I'm so thankful, though, that I was able to say what I did when I saw him off a few weeks ago. I was betting on another chance to talk about us, sleep next to him, and laugh with him before his deployment; however, I didn't understand that wasn't a guarantee. I can't believe I won't get to kiss him or hug him for 7 months. This sucks.
My friend JC gave me great advice last night, though. She told me that everyday I can tell myself that I am one day closer to what I was yesterday. If I could get through yesterday, I can get through today.
Showing posts with label denial. Show all posts
Showing posts with label denial. Show all posts
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Confirmed
Flight has been booked and bf's name is on the ticket. Can't believe the day is almost here already. I'm really hoping I'll be able to hold it together when I bring S to the airport and say goodbye. Yikes. This is not going to be fun.
Maybe everytime I feel sad, I should just check out this picture. It makes me laugh because (despite me being a bit intoxicated in this pic) it captures a look I get from S a lot. It's his "really, Alyssa, you just said/did that?" look :)
"You'll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have left" - Unknown
Maybe everytime I feel sad, I should just check out this picture. It makes me laugh because (despite me being a bit intoxicated in this pic) it captures a look I get from S a lot. It's his "really, Alyssa, you just said/did that?" look :)
"You'll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have left" - Unknown
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
New Territory
Originally Posted 2/1/11 at 10:07
Never done a blog before but there's a first time for everything, right?
The last three days have been a bit of a whirlwind. I started Sunday thinking my biggest challenge for the week would be getting my email cleared out at work before leaving for vacation with my bf on Friday. A few hours later bf called and told me he was being deployed back to Iraq and could be leaving for training within 72 hours. My heart dropped and I seriously had to remind myself that this wasn't one of those freakishly real dreams; it was my next year completely changing and I suddenly felt extremely helpless.
We're still trying to get flight plans figured out for the vacation we had been planning. I don't do well when things are up in the air, so not knowing what flight if any that he will be on three days from know drives me crazy. Do we book one way until he gets his orders, take the risk and book a round trip knowing it may have to be adjusted? I'm used to being able to push through and get results....not happening in this case. Pretty sure that as important as spending time with BF before deployment is to me, probably isn't top priority for uncle sam. Maybe why bf is in the army and not me. also, i'm trying to balance my obsession to make this trip work with not pushing bf to get details that just aren't available and make him feel any more badly than he already does.
This is all still so unreal for me. Although I knew bf could potentially go back to iraq when we started dating, I don't think I truly thought it would become a reality. Im trying really hard to be my normal self with him but i know he can sense how anxious and overly positive i am and I don't know how to keep up a "normal" front.
I am incredibly proud of what he has done and will do for this country . However, I have absolutely no idea how to look at the next year and be anything but overwhelmed. But, if he can spend a year in the desert fighting for our freedom, I guess I can make skype and hotmail work for me.
Never done a blog before but there's a first time for everything, right?
The last three days have been a bit of a whirlwind. I started Sunday thinking my biggest challenge for the week would be getting my email cleared out at work before leaving for vacation with my bf on Friday. A few hours later bf called and told me he was being deployed back to Iraq and could be leaving for training within 72 hours. My heart dropped and I seriously had to remind myself that this wasn't one of those freakishly real dreams; it was my next year completely changing and I suddenly felt extremely helpless.
We're still trying to get flight plans figured out for the vacation we had been planning. I don't do well when things are up in the air, so not knowing what flight if any that he will be on three days from know drives me crazy. Do we book one way until he gets his orders, take the risk and book a round trip knowing it may have to be adjusted? I'm used to being able to push through and get results....not happening in this case. Pretty sure that as important as spending time with BF before deployment is to me, probably isn't top priority for uncle sam. Maybe why bf is in the army and not me. also, i'm trying to balance my obsession to make this trip work with not pushing bf to get details that just aren't available and make him feel any more badly than he already does.
This is all still so unreal for me. Although I knew bf could potentially go back to iraq when we started dating, I don't think I truly thought it would become a reality. Im trying really hard to be my normal self with him but i know he can sense how anxious and overly positive i am and I don't know how to keep up a "normal" front.
I am incredibly proud of what he has done and will do for this country . However, I have absolutely no idea how to look at the next year and be anything but overwhelmed. But, if he can spend a year in the desert fighting for our freedom, I guess I can make skype and hotmail work for me.
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