Who's plan is it really?

Another tough day at work today.  But instead of telling you about why and dwelling on what I can't control, I'm going to be thankful. 

Because I have a job. 
A job that allows me to support myself financially and that has introduced me to numerous good friends. 
A job that just gave me an annual raise which is hard to come by these days. 

So I'm not going to dwell on the negative today.  Instead, I'm going to continue to pray for strength to approach each day with a positive attitude and continuing resilience.  And I'm going to continue to have faith... faith that He has something planned for me that I don't understand, but that I don't have to. 

Spring Cleaning

As you know,  I've been in a bit of a rut lately.  I haven't had a lot of motivation to do anything and as a result, I haven't.  Granted, I'm not happy with my current job situation right now, but it's more than that. 

And then I thought about it and realized that it's March.  I know, not a shock.  It's been March for 25 days now.  But for some reason, that I haven't been able to put my finger on yet, life gets tough for me in March every year and has since high school.  It's kind of odd to have March be my down month.  If you think about it, winter is ending, Spring Break is in full force, and people are starting to buzz with energy for the upcoming spring and summer. 

Last week I talked to my mom about my unhappiness lately and we got on  the topic of my annual "March Madness".  She has a theory that March is the month that my brother and I overheard our parents fighting for the first time and a few months later, they started the process of divorce.  Who knows if that's what it is, or if it's something totally different.  Regardless, I've been in a slump and it was time to pull myself out.

Enter Spring Cleaning task force...

My mom had this brilliant idea that if I got my house clean, organized, and under control,  that I would have one less thing to stress about in my life.  That coming home at the end of a trying day would be peaceful and relaxing. 

I've mentioned it before, but for you new readers, my mom is a saint.  At 12:30 today she showed up with bags full of cleaning supplies and went right to work. 

4.5 hours and 12 bags of clothes/decor/purses/shoes later, I feel SO much better.  I've gotten rid of the clutter I don't care about and the rest of my stuff is in a manageable place.  Everything is clean, bright, and the rooms feel lighter. 

And to my surprise, I feel lighter too.

B-Game

I'm off of my A-game lately.  I have lost my consistent motivation for yoga, have gotten buried in my laundry, and hit snooze for 45 - 60 min every morning before getting out of bed for work. 

During my yoga practice tonight, I could not calm down my mind.  I couldn't let my day/worries/life go and I couldn't focus on the movement and my body.  My practice just felt off.  And, because I wasn't concentrating already, I tried to rack my brain as to why.  Here's what I came up with:

I'm unhappy in my current job.  The stress is extremely high, it hasn't let up in 18 months, and I feel like I am constantly fighting an uphill battle.  I feel lucky and overall enjoy working for Company X and don't have intentions of leaving, but it's time for a change in positions and it needs to happen quickly.  I know that my team and leaders rely on me and my deliverables depend on me staying focused and producing exceptional results.  I want to get back to that point where I look forward to coming into work.  Where I feel valued, appreciate a challenge, and have passion about my work.  I've started the process of looking for a new position within Co. X but it takes time.

March is always a tough month for me and it has been for about 10+ years.  Jury's still out as to why I fall into a rut every year around this time, but I know my current professional situation isn't helping things. 

Current Obsessions

There are a few things that I'm super jazzed about lately.... 

What? you ask.... Well I'm glad you did :)

*The WEATHER ~ Today was 73 degrees today which is absolutely insane for Minnesota.  It's supposed to be winter!   Yet, downtown bars were packed on the various patios and rooftops with happy hour goers this afternoon.  A cold glass of white wine is so much more refreshing in the sun.

**St. Patrick's Day weekend ~ I'm going 2 hours north of the Twin Cities to celebrate St. Patrick's day in Brainerd with friends.  I'm looking forward to a weekend out of town, parades, beer gardens, and laughter.  All while decked out head to toe in various shades of green

***I was approved to refinance my townhome (thank God!) ~ I know it's not very exciting to you all, but it is EXTREMELY exciting to me.  And a huge relief.

**My next career move ~ I'm currently researching my next position at the company I work for.  A couple of the areas I'm researching are really exciting to me and I'm looking forward to challenging myself in a different way.

*The beautiful flowers I bought at Bachman's 10 days ago ~  I have never had flowers last this long and I absolutely love them.

Liebster Award

Thank you to Dani from My heart is in the Army, My brain is in grad school for giving me the Liebster Award!  I always love your encouraging comments on my various blog posts!

The rules to the award are:

1. Choose five up and coming blogs to award the Liebster to. Blogs must have less than 200 followers.
2. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
3. Post the award on your blog. List the bloggers you gave the award to with links to their sites. Leave a comment on their blogs to let them know they've received the award.
4. Share five random facts about yourself.
So here are some random facts about me:

1.  I am the oldest and the middle sibling in my family.  (I'm my Mom's oldest, my Dad's middle child).
2.  I was terrified of flushing public toilets until 1st grade... those things were loud! 
3.  I have a hard time watching Ben Stiller movies because I get so uncomfortable for him and his characters
4.  There are more days than I'd like to admit where my dinner consits of a bowl of Lucky Charms or Fruit Loops
5.  My eyes can change shades of green/grey depending on what color I'm wearing. 

Bloggers I am tagging for this award:
1.  Krystal at Krystal in the City
2.  Karen at Kar-N Out N About
3.  Krista Nicole at Life is in the messy bits
4.  Aleasa at Happy Life
5.  Sarah at Adventures in Life

Whew

You may remember about a month or so ago, I shared with you that my Dad was diagnosed with Melanoma.  There was a spot on his shin that came back from tests as malignant and surgery was scheduled.  However, there were a couple complications that came up and the surgery date kept getting pushed out much to my dismay.

Thankfully, his surgery was successfully completed yesterday.  He has quite the wrap on his leg and we don't really know yet how big the spot is that they removed from his leg.  But, he is feeling well (with the meds, of course) and everything went fine. 

Thank you, God, for watching over him.  This procedure being completed is a huge weight off all of our shoulders and we can now move on with our lives (slathered in sunscreen, of course!). 

One Year.

Yesterday marks 1 year since Scott deployed.  It is crazy for me to think about... A part of me feels like that dreaded day at the airport with him was 5 years ago because so much has happened.  But then again, it feels like just yesterday I was saying goodbye. 

What is more amazing for me to think about is how much I have changed over the last 365 days.  In that amount of time, I said goodbye to the man I had cared most about, grieved over my long distance boyfriend, attached myself to the war coverage, and experienced a not-so-relaxing R&R with him.  We broke up, I mourned some more, and he returned home. I spent the fall and the holidays re-aquainting myself with "Single Alyssa." And then a few weeks ago, I started dating D.   

I've grown so much it's almost hard for me to go back and read those entries from March of last year.  Not because I missed him, but because I fell apart without him.  The more I reflected, the more I realized that I had carried 75% of the relationship and he had the other 25%.  And when it came down to it, 25% wasn't enough and shouldn't have ever been.

So here I am, a year later, a stronger, more confident, and happy Alyssa.  I'm excited about the things to come, hopeful about more dates with D, and appreciative that everything happens for a reason.